It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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