I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
