yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize