So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
