Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
