he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
