Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
