My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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