you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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