You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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