You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
