She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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