what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
