obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
