Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
