Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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