don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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