Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
