if i can run in heels then i can drive
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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