If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize