she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
