Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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