how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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