doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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