just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
