I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
