I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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