im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
