He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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