The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
