Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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