She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
