the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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