I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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