I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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