hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
