Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she peed on how many people?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
