dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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