This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she told me i tasted like america
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
