dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize