I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
