Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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