So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
