I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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