the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
