Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
