my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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