And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
