i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
