i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
