Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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