Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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