The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize