I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
