it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
