do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
