I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
