bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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