drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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