I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pants are for mortals
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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