hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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