her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
