What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize