i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
there is glitter all over my balls
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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