Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
