May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
