Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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