I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
