then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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