The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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