I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize