this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My pussy is not your playground.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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