I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
