Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
