Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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