Can i not drive my cunt home
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
