i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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