nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
